I hear the concern and anxiety behind those words.

You can find the answers to your parents' welfare and relief for your worries. I say this with assurance from my twenty-plus years' experience in providing individualized elder care.

People come to me with these concerns:

I love my mother and know that she cares about me, but recently our relationship has changed to great frustration on both our parts. I no longer want to be around her but I feel so guilty when I'm not.

My relationship with one of my elderly legal clients has become more personal over the years. Her memory is failing and she is often so confused that she becomes dysfunctional. She has no close relatives and I feel responsible. Where can I find the help she needs?

It's dreadful. I'm just heartsick. My husband is 78 and I just can't handle things any more. Our relationship has changed. Also, he's getting mean. What am I to do?

The last time my son and daughter-in-law were here they got in a fight. She says I'm living in filth and need to be in a home. My son still holds out for me, but he said that if the neighbors call him again . . . Isn't there something else short of a nursing home?

My parents are there in Mill Valley, and I'm here in Cleveland--how can I watch over their circumstances? My aunt has someone come in and do the cleaning, and she has meals sent in, but she's feeble and forgetful, and just can't manage all the little businesses of life. What kind of help is available in that situation, or is this nursing home time?

Making late-life care arrangements for an aging loved one can be the most difficult decision any of us have to make. Knowing what is possible, and where to turn for information and help, will greatly reduce the uncertainty and worry surrounding such a decision.

But help is there for you whether you're looking for advice and help for another, or for yourself. Whether you live close-by or across the country, whether the elder is living at home alone, with relatives, or in an assisted-living community or in a nursing home, you can get the assistance you need.

You can start by viewing the information in these pages, and by contacting me through E-mail or phone.

My number is (415) 927-1583. There is no charge for this first telephone consultation and you may find, as most callers do, that this conversation furnishes invaluable relief, support, and answers to your concerns.